does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
