Church boner. Awkwardddd
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
