Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
