Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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