ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
