I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
