i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
