i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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