I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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