I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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