So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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