If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
