im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize