$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
