I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
