Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
