I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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