do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
