my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Im part way to drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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