end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
