I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
