so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize