Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
