the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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