i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's never too late to be topless.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
