I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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