Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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