no, he came in my armpit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
