guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
