They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
