Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
