She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize