I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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