you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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