never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
