I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
