I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
