You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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