well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
