Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
