You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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