your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
