At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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