oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
