Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
