I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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