Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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