This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
