a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I just put wine in my tea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
