Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
