so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
