Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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