i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
