i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
