last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
