Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
