i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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