O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
