Can i not drive my cunt home
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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