There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
