im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
