The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
