fuck your aforementioned shoe
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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