Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
