textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish you could order shots online.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
