You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize