you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize