the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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