I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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