i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
