Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
