i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
