Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize